Talking to Your Child About Going to Play Therapy

There are many reasons for seeking play therapy for your child. Every parent/caregiver has his or her own specific set of reasons. Regardless of how and why you made the decision to seek play therapy for your child, we strongly encourage honesty and openness in your initial presentation and subsequent discussion with him or her. While the concepts that you are sharing with your child will remain constant regardless of age, the actual depth of information that you share will be dependent upon the child’s age and maturity level. 

What to say…
Parents who seek counseling help for their children often ask how to explain play therapy to their children or even the idea of seeing a counselor.  It will be important to explain to your child how going to therapy helps. Explain that because feelings can be hard to talk about that, that there are people who are experts in helping kids with their problems and worries. To give your child time to process that they will be going to see such an expert, remind them that soon they will get to go see an expert to talk and play about those problems and worries, when they are ready and how they want. Repeat this message during the time you have before the appointment (although not more than a week ahead and less time for younger kids). A metaphor that is often helpful for kids is if they have a toothache, they go to a dentist. If they feel sick, they see a doctor. If they are having difficulties with their feelings, they go to a therapist. 

Additionally, make sure to go over what will happen during the appointment and story tell about what may happen. You can say something like, “Remember next week we’re going to see (name of therapist). You might feel a little scared about meeting her because she is someone new to you. You will get to play with (name of therapist) and spend time getting to know each other.” On the day of the appointment, especially for younger children, it is appropriate to simply say “Here’s (name of therapist)’s office, you get to go to the special playroom with her. I’ll be waiting here until you’re done and then we’ll go home.”

We hope the following samples are helpful if this is something you are struggling with. Please choose/adapt the one you feel is most appropriate for your child’s age and circumstances:

We’re going to see (name of therapist). Her job is to help kids (with their feelings, feel better about school, whose mom/dad has died, who have been abused, whose mom and dad aren’t living together anymore, etc). I’ve met her and she’s really nice. You can talk to her about anything. You’ll be doing some talking and some playing with her.

I know you’ve been through a difficult time lately…We’re going to see (name of therapist). Her job is to help kids with their problems and worries. She helps kids by talking and playing with them.

Our family has been through a difficult time lately…We’re going to meet with (name of therapist). Her job is to help families (get along better, cope better with…, etc).

Other information you may want to consider telling your child (depending on their age and the nature of the issue)

• Mommy takes you to play with this person / or see this therapist because sometimes it is hard to talk about your feelings.
• This person (Play Therapist) will try to help you feel better by playing. Children play about their feelings better than they talk about them.
• Mommy takes you to play with this person / or see this therapist because: (for example)
• Sometimes you feel sad or angry, etc
• You are scared about_______, you are worried about ______, etc
• Something horrible has happened to you
• Mommy wants you to sleep better, enjoy going to school, eat better, etc.
• This person (Therapist), most of the time, will try not tell other people (including mommy and daddy) about what you do or talk about during play time.
• Sometimes this person (Play Therapist) will have to tell other grown ups if they are really worried about you – it is really important that other people get to know if you are not safe but he or she will always try to talk to you first before telling other grown ups about this.
• Your play time is not a secret. You can talk about what you’ve been doing to anyone if you want to, but you don’t have to. If you feel like keeping it to yourself, that’s OK.

Additionally, we hope the following tips may be able to help you if talking to your child about coming is something you are struggling with:

DO’S (Depending on the situation or the age of your child, some of the following may not apply)

• Tell your child that this Play Time is not “a test” or “an exam”, etc. She is not expected to do anything but to play or talk as she wishes.
• Tell your child that this Play Time will usually last about 45 minutes and may happen every week or every other week
• Bring your child to therapy as scheduled and on time—children feel more secure and do better in therapy when they have consistent appointments. 
• Remind your child about going the night before and the morning of—this helps your child to mentally prepare and will ultimately lessen anxiety.
• Tell your child goodbye and that you will be in the lobby until they return. When they return, greet them with a “I’m so glad to see you. Let’s go home.”

DON’TS

• Tell your child that she is going to therapy because she is bad, sick, or is the problem.
• Tell her to “listen” and look to the play therapist for directions.
• Give your child any pressure about being good or behaving in session
• Put pressure on your child to talk about her problems, etc. The child will not change until they are free not to change.
• Tell your child how much the session costs or that it is expensive, etc. This may increase children’s worries or anxieties about their “performance” in sessions. This may also make children feel guilty or blamed.
• Talk about concerns regarding your child to me in front of your child as this usually makes the child feel uncomfortable and affects how they act during their session. If you would like to discuss a concern, please call or email prior to the session.
• Do not give consequences or any punishments if your child refuses to come to his or her play sessions. If there is a problem bringing your child to sessions, please call or email your therapist to consult.
• Try not to bribe your child to go to play sessions. I.e. if you go to see this person, I will take you to McDonald’s afterwards.
• If your child shows you a painting or something else she has created after her sessions, try not to say any judgment comments such as “It’s a beautiful picture”, “How come the person has no hands?” Instead, praise the effort they put into creating said picture.
• After the session, try not to ask your child if she had fun or a good time. Sometimes it is hard for children to articulate their experience in play therapy or they are afraid to upset their parents. It is better for you to talk to your therapist about your child’s progress.
• Make sure not to frame therapy as the best, most fun, or happiest thing your child will embark on because it will not be. Therapy, even therapy involving play, requires hard work. Sometimes therapy will be fun but other times it will be very challenging, serious, and difficult for your child

Important Reminders for Each Session

• Please call your child’s therapist the day prior to the session if there are significant updates so they are kept informed and can plan accordingly
• It’s best for your child to wear play clothes and “dress for the mess.”
• Please do not send your child to session with toys from home. The focus should be on toys/materials/activities in the playroom as they have been specifically designed for therapeutic value.
• If your child shows you her sand play in the sandbox:
• Try not to touch any objects in the box
• Try not to make guesses or interpretations about what she put in the box.
• Thank her for showing you her play
• You can say something neutral, “I see that there are a lot of things you put in there, I see different colors, I wonder if you have spent a lot of time working on this…etc”.

The way you talk to your child about play therapy is very important and will influence their reaction to the idea. While there is no one right way to introduce the idea, use the suggestions above to make sure you introduce the idea to your child in a way that they will most likely make them comfortable with the idea. Remember that if your child is resistant or scared at first, this is common. Regardless of your child’s reaction to the idea of play therapy, keep in mind that usually your kid is going to react the same way as they did to the idea of a new school, a new dentist, or any other new relationship/experience in their life. Often reminding them of what transitions are like is an important part of helping them adjust to play therapy. Remember, as you talk with your child, he or she will often react to the idea of therapy based on you. Children, especially young children take their cues from you. The key is for you to remain a positive and supportive adult and an adult who cares about how they feel.